Lonely........Heart

I dont know why this happens...........

Some times I wish if I could be alone for a while.......to scream loudly..........
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And finally, it happens and I am alone at home... with wandering thougthts... Thought about rain... .................................... For the first time in my life this year I started observing the season........

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In winter...Dew Drops shined like jwells in my mind.. as promised this December did not bring any surprise for me.............

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Then came Vasantham.... Flowers every were... even the intermediate ring road was surrounded with lots of small small flowers...one of the best jounrney I had while going home... only me and flowers...every bush wore a flower carpet.. even the worst looking plants had beautiful flowers on them.. I wished if could some more time there..........

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Then fall and the most hated summer... every day in summer I was longing for Rain.. I was dreaming she coming in the night while I am asleep ...through the open window stretch her fingers and embrace me... I asked wind to tell the rain clouds that I am waiting........... with a thirsty heart........... And in monsoon... first rain..like the first lovemaking............ She gifted a bouque of cloudy days to us in Bangalore... so romantic weather.......... And now...why are you keeping away...dont you have anything to gift us.......?

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I haven't done loving you........... I want to get wet in you............... I want to dissolve in you.............. I want to flow away with you................ I want reach the mighty ocean along with your droplets.......... Finally get lost in the cosmic life of the universe......... where are you....?

Gone are the Days

When the school reopened in June, And we settled in our new desks and benches. When we queued up in book depot, And got our new books and notes.When we wanted two Sundays and no Mondays, yet Managed to line up daily for the morning prayers. We learnt writing with slates and pencils, and Progressed To fountain pens and ball pens and then micro tips. We began drawing with crayons and evolved to Color pencils and finally sketch pens. We started calculating first with tables and then with Clarke's tables and advanced to calculators and computers.When we chased one another in the corridors in Intervals, and returned to the classrooms drenched in sweat. When we had lunch in classrooms, corridors, Playgrounds, under the trees and even in cycle shed. When all the colors in the world, Decorated thecampus on theSecond Saturdays.

When a single P.T. period in the week's Time Table, Was awaited more eagerly than the monsoons. When cricket was played with writing pads as bats, And Neckties and socks rolled into balls. When few played "kabadi" and "Kho-Kho" in scorching sun, While others simply played "book cricket" in the confines of classroom.Of fights but no conspiracies, Of Competitions but seldom jealousy. When we used to watch Live Cricket telecast, In theopposite house in Intervals and Lunch breaks. When few rushed at 1:45 to "Conquer" window seats in our School bus. While few others had "Big Fun", "Chock-o-bar","kulfi ice" and "Pepsi" at 2:00 Clock.Gone are the days Of Sports Day, and the annual School Day, And the one-month long preparations for them. Gone aew the days Of the stressful Quarterly, Half Yearly and Annual Exams, And the most enjoyed holidays after them. Of tenth and twelfth standards, when we Spent almost the whole year writing revision tests.We learnt, we enjoyed, we played, we won, we lost, We laughed, we cried, we fought, we thought. With so much fun in them, so many friends, So much experience, all this and more.Gone are the days when we used to talk for hours with our friends. Now we don't have time to say a HI.

Gone are the days when we sat to chat with friends on grounds. Now we chat in chat rooms.....Gone are the days where we studied just to pass. Now we study to save our jobGone are the days where we had no money in our pockets and fun filled on our heartsNow we have the ATM as well as credit card but with an empty heartGone are the days where we shouted on the road. Now we don t shout even at homeGone are the days where we got lectures from all. Now we give lectures to all... like the one I'm doing now....Gone are the days But not the memories, which will be Lingering in our hearts for ever and ever and Ever and ever and Ever.....

NO MATTER HOW BUSY YOU ARE.DON'T FORGET TO LIVE THE LIFE THAT STILL EXISTS.IT WONT BE THERE FOR EVER.

Gone the Days are Gone

It was raining heavily outside. Dark clouds gathered in the sky and nature was in its ominous best. I took a break from my work and went to the pantry to grab a cup of coffee. I had a sip and went near the window to see the rain pouring down heavily outside the glass structure. I was inside our huge office building, unruffled by even the fierceness of the nature. Through the heavy transparent glass, I could see a small girl trying to hold on to her umbrella which the wind was snatching away from her. I felt sorry for the girl, and was happy that I was not in a similar pathetic situation. Yes. I take pride for the fact that I am an Engineer and researcher. I have everything which a common man would envy; money, status, respect, you name it I have it. I always wanted to be a professional and here I am, working for one of the best firms in the world. But then, am I really happy? Now, I could see an imprint of my palm on the other glass window, through which I reminisced my past, basked in the warmth of the sun shine.

My childhood was so much of fun. I vividly remember those rainy days, when I hugged my mother tightly during sleeping listening to all the stories told by her. Now, I have a big house here, but then it is just a house, not a home. My parents are pretty far away from me now. I have a cell phone to talk to them everyday, but then I really miss those dinners which I had with my family everyday. I could easily afford to taste all the different cuisines these days, but the best of food there, lack the love and affection which is present in the food prepared by my mother.

I threw a lavish party for my colleagues for my birthday, but then they would never replace the birthdays when my friends secretly brought a cake and at the end, half of the cake would have ended up on my face. The couple of hundred bucks that you save for a long period just to give a treat to your friends in the road side chat shop can never give the pleasure even after spending a few thousand bucks these days.

The scene of me crying and refusing to have dinner on the day when I fought with my best friend came to my mind. Today, he has gone far away from me, taking away my love and with it my life, but I am sitting and coding here with a false smile on my face. Everyday I meet new people, but then I long ceased to make a new friend.

It's true that I have a lot of things now. I have a nice bed, but no time to sleep. Lots of money, but no friends to spend it with. The latest designer clothes, but a worn out body. Quite a few to flirt, but no one to love.

Awards for technical excellence, but no reward for the crave for peaceful ambience. A confident demeanor, but a reluctant and apathetic mind. Full of rain, but no sunshine even in the farthest distance.

Now, I could see the small girl on the road enjoying in the rain with her umbrella firmly in her grip. She might not have all the comforts which I have, but then she has the innocence and fun which I lost a long time back. I have decided to come out of this false fantasy, even if it is at the expense of losing the tap of the Engineer. I am going to again enjoy my life. I am going to go out in the rain and play with the small kid now.

I removed my shoes, and went near my computer to shut it down. Just then, I saw a new mail alert in my mail box. I slowly opened outlook and I found a message from my manager with an attachment saying that there was a critical problem in the production line and I have to fix it soon. I convinced myself that I am not going to get bogged down again by these pressures and stick to my decision. I ignored the mail and went to the rest room. After a couple of minutes, the Engineer in me came out, wear on my shoes and tucked in with the perfect tie knot, sat before the files, and started find the problems and remedies.